Episode 59: Finding Hope and Healing for Veterans: An Interview with Dr. Stacey Scheckner
June is designated as PTSD Awareness month, because mental health matters.
It’s no secret that our combat-wounded Veterans didn’t just leave what they experienced on the battlefield behind, they brought it home with them, often experiencing the life-altering effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
This, combined with the injuries they and their fellow service members sustained, or the loss of life they witnessed around them, can be devastating and debilitating. It not only affects them, but those within their circle of influence: their family, friends, and even co-workers. It can severely impact relationships, careers, and make day-to-day life difficult to manage.
There are no shortcuts on the journey to healing and well-being, and today’s special guest has dedicated her life to helping others find peace, wholeness, and healing in their own lives. Today, WWIA Founder and CEO, John McDaniel, is honored to welcome Dr. Stacey Scheckner to the podcast.
Dr. Scheckner is a Licensed Psychologist who has been providing therapeutic services in Florida for over 18 years. Through personal and professional practice and study, she has made it her mission to help people become the best version of themselves. She has successfully worked with clients to help them in a variety of ways: from achieving more in their career, working through difficult divorces, overcoming the effects of PTSD, or raising mentally and physically healthy children. Whatever the issue, her focus is to help people unlock their potential, overcome their challenges, have a positive mindset, and live wholistically better lives.
John and Dr. Scheckner discuss the causes and effects of PTSD, and how healing is possible. They also talk about the challenges of parenting for servicemembers and Veterans, and ways to improve those relationships at home. This is an important podcast and an outstanding interview that we’re excited for you to hear.
Takeaways:
- The podcast emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing PTSD among combat Veterans, highlighting that many Veterans bring their battlefield experiences home, affecting their daily lives.
- Dr. Stacy Scheckner of Happy Counseling in Tampa, Florida, discusses the profound impact of PTSD not only on Veterans but also on their families, as symptoms can strain relationships and hinder normal functioning.
- Listeners are encouraged to seek professional help for PTSD, as acknowledging the need for assistance is a sign of strength and a crucial step towards healing and recovery.
- The conversation explores practical strategies for Veterans to manage triggers and emotional dysregulation, particularly in parenting situations, emphasizing the need for self-awareness and coping mechanisms.
- John McDaniel and Dr. Scheckner advocate for open discussions about mental health and the necessity of addressing emotional trauma to foster resilience and well-being among Veterans and their families.
- The episode underlines the significance of love and support in parenting, suggesting that Veterans should prioritize quality time with their children to reinforce bonds and facilitate healing.
Happy Counseling (Dr. Stacey Scheckner): https://www.happycounseling.com/
Transcript
Hello and welcome to the WWIA Podcast. We're honored to have you join us in our mission to bring honor, connection and healing to America's combat wounded Purple Heart heroes.
If this is your first time listening to this podcast, we welcome you if you're a returning listener. Thanks for coming back. Please be sure to tell others about our podcast and leave us a review if you're enjoying what you're hearing.
June is designated as PTSD Awareness Month because mental health matters.
It's no secret that our combat wounded veterans didn't just leave what they experienced on the battlefield behind, they brought it home with them, often experiencing the life altering effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
This, combined with the injuries they and their fellow service members sustained or the loss of life they witnessed around them can be devastating and debilitating. It not only affects them, but those within their circle of influence, their family, friends and even co workers.
It can severely impact relationships, careers and make day to day life difficult to manage.
There are no shortcuts on the journey to healing and well being and today's special guest has dedicated her life to helping others find peace, wholeness and healing in their own lives. Today, WWIA founder and CEO John McDaniel is honored to welcome Dr. Stacy Scheckner to the podcast.
Dr.Scheckner is a licensed psychologist who's been providing therapeutic services in Florida for over 18 years. Through personal and professional practice and study, she's made it her mission to help people become the best version of themselves.
She has successfully worked with clients to help them in a variety of ways from achieving more in their career, working through difficult divorces, overcoming the effects of PTSD, or raising mentally and physically healthy children.
Whatever the issue, her focus is to help people unlock their potential, overcome their challenges, have a positive mindset, and live holistically better lives. John and Dr. Scheckner discuss the causes and effects of PTSD and how healing is possible.
They also talk about the challenges of parenting for service members and veterans and ways to improve those relationships at home. This is an important podcast and an outstanding interview that we're excited for you to hear. Let's jump right into the conversation with John and Dr.
Scheckner now.
John McDaniel:Hi, I'm John McDaniel, Founder and CEO of the Wounded Warriors in Action Foundation's podcast, and this is Honor, Connect, Heal. So today I have with us another very special guest and this is a person who I admire and obviously respect a great deal.
I saw you first on TV and thought, geez, this is somebody that I should get to know, and we've known each other now for four or five years. Welcome to the program. This is Stacy. Dr. Stacy Scheckner. Welcome.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Thank you for having me. It's exciting. Our kids are actually similar age and so it's exciting to see them grow up together.
John McDaniel:Yeah, it's cool. So you are a. Tell us about your credentials, first off. I mean, I'm sitting in your office and there are diplomas all around me.
And you are essentially a doctor of the brain. Yes, but tell us about it.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:It's a good way of putting it. That's how I explain it. Y.
John McDaniel:Tell us about your education a little bit and the work that you currently do.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:I am a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.
I have my PhDs in counseling and school psychology, and I also have my master's and specialist degrees in psychology and in undergrad, I have my bachelor's in psychology and music and we can talk about that as well. I have worked with 2 year olds to 92 year olds and I love what I do. I love helping people.
And yes, I explained, I am the doctor of the brain, the doctor of feelings. Helping parents be the best they can be, helping families be the best they can be.
John McDaniel:Yeah. So, you know, I began to think about, you know, my work, you know, my work with the combat wounded veterans that we serve and your work.
And I just thought this is somebody that we should talk to that I should talk to and that maybe could help folks through the power of this podcast. And I think you're the perfect person to do it. And so I think we should start.
We do want to talk about parenting, but I think we should start with PTSD. And I know that probably a very high percentage, 90 plus percent of the veterans that we serve have some form of ptsd. So I want to talk about that.
I think it's something that needs to be talked about. And you mentioned to me in the pre show, when we were chatting about it a couple weeks ago, you said everybody has ptsd.
And I just thought, wow, what a great way to start the program, you know, and then I thought about PTSD on, like most challenges on a continuum.
You know, there's folks that have just a little bit of ptsd, and then there's folks on the other side of the continuum that really probably suffer or are debilitated by it, and everybody else is kind of in the middle in this continuum.
So tell us a little bit about, you know, what is PTSD and what are the things that you see on a recurring basis that might indicate that somebody has ptsd and then we can talk about how to maybe deal with that.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Absolutely. It's very, very important. Ptsd, Post traumatic stress disorder.
And I think a general definition of it that may hit home with people who are listening is when you experience something, especially the veterans, that is outside the norm, or what we call the norm of, you know, living in society, growing up in society, experiencing adulthood in society, when you experience something that is unique to you and other people maybe around you during that time, and that is absolutely outside the norm, you can get ptsd.
And I should further explain that it's a life or death situation where you have to make maybe life or death decisions that affect you the rest of your life, but yet you have to continue living in this quote, unquote, normal society, functioning within a family, functioning at work, functioning as a parent. So PTSD affects us in many different ways. Sleep, eating habits, the way we handle anxiety, the way we handle anger.
Basically, like with patients who were just here before you. Emotional dysregulation.
So even if they haven't gone off to war, it's if they grow up or are in an environment as adults in which something terrible is happening and they have to survive in that moment and they have to do what they need to do. But later on, how do you function and be normal in society after going through what you just experienced?
John McDaniel:Yeah. Now in the case of our veterans, right?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Yes.
John McDaniel:Something traumatic has happened. They went off, they raised their right hand, they went off to war, they saw combat, maybe they were wounded, injured.
Maybe they saw and likely saw others wounded and injured. Maybe oftentimes there were men or women who they were very close to and maybe perhaps it was themselves.
I mean, it would be hard to say, for example, that if you were shot seven times in Iraq or Afghanistan or some other place and lived through that experience and then had 72 surgeries, that it might be hard to live a normal life or it might be hard to come back after that and sort of be normal or not have ptsd.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Absolutely. Because how do they go back? And they go back and their 10 year old comes home and kicked the soccer ball and it accidentally broke a glass.
So how do you. That's a normal thing that happens. But you've just seen people be murdered, friends and loved ones losing limbs.
Like, how can you then in that moment be able to control your anger, which really comes from the pain of what you see, not that your son kicked a soccer ball.
John McDaniel:Right.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:How do you, how do you control that? And how do you just live A normal. Oh, a parent. A glass broke. How do you do that?
When you've undergone what you've got, and that's what I help families and people with, is like, how do you. How can you parent? But how do you. It's devastating what you've been through.
John McDaniel:Right. And then when these triggers happen.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Yes, triggers.
John McDaniel:Yeah, you know, something. Something triggers you. It makes you perhaps angry, it makes you perhaps sad, confused. Lots of these emotions that we all have.
And the question is, how do you regulate them and how do you respond? We can't really control what other people do, but we can control how we react to that.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:That's exactly right.
John McDaniel:So what are some tools that we could give people in that scenario where you say, okay, hey, now we're back from the war. First off, if you need professional help and it's okay to ask for it, you should ask for it, you should seek it. Right.
And so let's talk about first, what can a therapist like you do for somebody that has ptsd? What can you do?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:I think if you come back and you don't know if you have ptsd, first of all, if you've gone through seeing torture and murder and things beyond the scope of what you would have seen if you didn't go, I think that people have to recognize you probably do have it, and it's okay. It is absolutely okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It's normal for you to have ptsd.
John McDaniel:Not your fault.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:It's not your fault. And it's not weak to admit it. It's strong to it. It's going, you know what? If I wouldn't have been there and I wouldn't have had that job, I.
I wouldn't have it because I would be back here in America or wherever you live. But I did go, and I did do these things, and I did listen to my officers and I did fight for my country.
And it's okay that I have ptsd, because the things I went through are not what a normal person would go through, meaning in their normal life. Not that you're not normal. So if you come back, most likely you have it. But still, if you think, okay, I'm processing, I'm handling things.
I'm not upset about it.
If you see that you're triggered very easily with your kids or with your wife or husband and you do lash out and it's irrationally disproportionate to the situation, then you can say, it's okay. I'm allowed to be upset. I'm human. I'm not a robot. I'm not a computer.
I can be upset about what happened and what my friends went through and what I went through. I just need to take accountability and not lash out at my family and friends.
I need to go to the therapist and say, look, dude, I have all this crap inside of me.
Can you help me poop it out so that I can go home and tickle and have fun with my family and friends and not get triggered by these silly little things?
John McDaniel:You know, in our first show, we talked about, I mentioned this idea of a box, right? And putting this ptsd, these bad things maybe in a box.
And, well, it's not great to put a lock on that box, because that box needs to open up on occasion on some frequency to exercise the things that are inside. It's like a volcano, right? Or a tire that has too much pressure in it. Eventually it fails and maybe it explodes. So we have to deal with these things.
And that's where a professional like yourself comes in, where you can maybe chat about those experiences and how you feel about them.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:That's right. And some people don't want to. They want to live in denial. They want to come back and not.
And I feel bad because it's not that they want to live in denial, but what they went through was so unimaginable. They may feel no one can relate to them. They may feel they have to deal with it on their own. They feel they have to be strong and just move forward.
But unfortunately, it's okay to need help. There are people who are trained in your brain chemistry, and you deserve. For everything you've been through, you deserve to have a happy life.
You deserve to be with your family and friends and not have to lash out there.
And so you come in, whether weekly or twice a week or once, and you can let that little box open, and the box then gets smaller and smaller and smaller till one day, guess what? You don't have to live with the box. And once that box is gone, you make room for all the happiness you deserve.
So please come in, because if you don't guess what happens on the other end, you project. The box gets bigger and bigger and projects.
John McDaniel:Yes, go ahead. Yeah, no, I was gonna say, when we talk about this idea of triggers and tools, what could you say? Give the scenario. You gave the scenario.
Soccer ball knocks over a vase or something or a lamp, and it's. It gets broken. And maybe somebody's first reaction is to do that, is to react. Well, that's an eight year Old child, you didn't mean to do that.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Not on purpose. No one's purposely trying to.
John McDaniel:Exactly.
And so in that case, if someone's initial reaction would be to emote and to say something that, that causes the child to have a reaction, he didn't or she didn't mean to do that. But what kind of things can we do to help people understand what their triggers might be and to recognize those triggers once they're happening?
Because we've observed something, we've assessed rapidly what just happened. Now we want to react and that's all natural. But what should somebody that may have a real bad reaction, what should they do or what should we say?
What kind of tools can we give them to maybe deal with that type of scenario, that reaction that we want to try to really think about before we actually do something that hurts somebody, what is it?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Well, we're hurting, so we want to hurt them.
But then when you look at your child, you're going to be mirroring all this pain that they don't even know that you experience and that goes into them. That's what scares the child. So the second you react, you know what, you're not going to be perfect. You're a work in progress.
And I say go to the child later on when you're calmer and say look, should we be playing soccer in the house? No. Do you get a consequence? Maybe you have to do some cleaning around here to make up for the money. Yes. But should daddy or mommy have yelled at you?
Absolutely not.
We should have taken a deep breath, walked in the other room, calm down and then come back and just like a business or a teacher or ed your educated, we need to teach you that there's rules and there's consequences in life but we don't get to emotionally regulate on top of you because you know, you didn't know what I went through in war and you didn't cause the war. The 8 year old didn't cause the war. Right. The things happen. So you can apologize and say I'm working on this.
I'm going to write down the things that bother me in day to day normal life like soccer in the house and I'm going to be, I'm going to note my triggers, note how I want to react and then learn coping skills to calm down before I parent you.
John McDaniel:Yeah. So this is all an attempt to be the, this is on your website, be the best you, you can be.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:The best version of yourself, the best.
John McDaniel:Version of yourself that you can be.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Sean, you know how we get sick, like with colds or flus. Guess what? Your brain has boo boos, too. Your brain can't be perfect. So that's why, again, if you go to, you're going to have ptsd, and that's okay.
You had to do things, and we're all proud of you for doing those things. So give yourself the gift of a therapist, of a trained therapist to help you get those boo boos out. I mean, you're not a dentist.
You can't fix your teeth. You're not an ophthalmologist. You can't fix your eyes, and you're not a therapist. It doesn't mean you're not intelligent.
It doesn't mean you're not strong. It doesn't mean you're not good.
It just means you got some boo boos in your brain and let the therapist let me do my job and take them out so you can go be happy.
John McDaniel:That's great. There's a sign somewhere in your office here that says, choose happy. And, yeah, think happy. Be happy. Choose happy.
I mean, you know, and that's the thing, is that happy is a choice. You know, there are things that do that you see or you experience that automatically make you happy.
But the times where you might not be feeling happy, maybe sad or, you know, or angry or something like this, we have a tendency, people do, to drill into those. Stay into that spot too long where you can actually go, well, you know, there's nothing I can do to affect this right now.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Exactly.
John McDaniel:So what I can do is I can actually choose happy right now and take a couple of deep breaths and actually reframe.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Reframe.
John McDaniel:Right, Reframe.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:It's reframing. It's like, okay, that person or that somebody did something, and yes, it's frustrating, but how much of your life are you going to be frustrated?
And how much are you going to say, okay, it happened. Can I do something to fix it or can I not? And then I want to be happy. You're the only one in control of your happiness. You.
You can't control other people. You can only control yourself.
John McDaniel:That's excellent.
You know, let's talk a little bit more about parenting, you know, and for, you know, in terms of, you know, let's talk about the, you know, the veterans who may have had all these things happen to them, and they spent a lot of time away from home. They missed a lot of their children's, you know, youth as they were away on deployments.
And then they come back and they have these things that they struggle with.
What can we say about parenting in general that is a good thing for something for us, for our veterans to take away from our conversation today in terms of just parenting in general.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Here's a couple tips that I think would be useful. I think that you as a veteran, the mommy or the daddy, whoever, you know, you deserve a break.
And I think you have to let the other parent be more of the parent, meaning the disciplinarian. I think for a while you get to be the fun guy.
I think you got to get down there and throw the Cheerios on the floor and you got to tickle and draw a marker on the cat and you got to just have fun because you deserve it. And if you feel you're getting upset about something, you just tag team out to your spouse and let them take over.
Or you know what, Unfortunately I'm very against technology, but if you got to turn that TV on and watch a silly movie because you're about had it up to here with teaching them about math, then that's what you got to do because you missed out on it like you said. And I don't want you to miss out on more.
So if you need to take some time just to love them, that's the best kind of parenting that you ever could give them is just love.
John McDaniel:You know, just the other night I had, you know, I limit. I'm a single parent, so you know, I have my. As you know, I have my two beautiful boys, Dylan and Luke.
And usually we reserve the last part of our day, our wind down for movie time before we go to bed. So we might watch a show for an hour, maybe an hour and a half at max.
And they usually like to go into daddy's room because there's a big bed and there's pillows and it's quiet in there. And so that's kind of like this comfy and they like it. So we'll do that.
But what I try to do every time there's a movie, because I don't, no offense to them, but it's hard for me to watch a whole whatever they're watching for an hour, hour and a half.
So I'll come and I'll go or check on them and sort of thing, I'll hop up in the bed there and then Luke, especially Dylan used to be like this, but he's getting a little older. But Luke just. Well, they both love when I jump in the bed with them and they want to just get cozy with you. And even if that's 10 minutes.
How good does that feel? It feels so good.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:It feels amazing.
John McDaniel:So amazing. And that's not going to last forever.
And that's what we need to remember, that eventually they're going to be off in high school and in college and then it's gone. And you don't miss those opportunities because those are moments that are fleeting.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:That's right.
John McDaniel:And there's a lot of healing in there, too.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:And there's a lot of healing. So even if you saw them do something wrong.
John McDaniel:Yeah.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Couple days later you could grab after that cuddling moment, they're going to be more responsive. You can say to them, hey, you remember when you did that? I would prefer you do this and that. Like, it's so different. Take some time.
You don't need to parent instantaneously. When you're in battle, yes, you need to respond straight away. But when you're at home, you don't need to take some time.
John McDaniel:Take some time to respond.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Take some time. There's no fight or flight, really.
John McDaniel:Think about what happens.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Think about it, refrain it. And just when you can say in a calm, loving way, say it. But sometimes you just forget about it. You don't have to parent every little thing. It's love.
John McDaniel:This has been great. I really appreciate your time.
And I think we should do some more of this and talk more about parenting and talk some more about some issues that veterans may have, especially when it comes to parenting and dealing with whatever issues they might have, still have. And it's okay, right? It's okay. Is there anything else you'd like to share with us?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Yeah, I was just thinking before we go, and we didn't really talk about this, but I think that you'll appreciate.
I think in terms of our significant others, I think that if you're handling the parenting okay, but you're lashing out maybe at your significant other. I do have some points for the significant other and yourself. So we can talk about.
If you feel you have a partner who's come back and has ptsd, what I can say to you is this. Please don't personalize it. Don't make it about you. Don't yell back. Don't jump into what they've gone through.
I would say try to be compassionate and loving and kind. You can have boundaries. You can go to a therapist like me and learn different ways to support through this.
But I say to parents, don't make it a conflict. Don't have another war at home. Don't have a war at home. That person who loves you is going through a lot in processing, and it may come out on you.
And, yes, that's not okay. But don't make it about you. That's now part of your job as the spouse of someone who goes off to war is to be there for them. Right.
John McDaniel:Peace in the Valley.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Peace in the Valley, Yeah.
John McDaniel:Peace in the Valley. So important. Right? Wow, that's great. Well, thanks for your time and all that you do for so many. It must be challenging.
You've been doing this for, what, 21 years, you said the other day?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:22 years.
John McDaniel:Almost 22 years.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner: More weeks than we're in: John McDaniel:I know. I can't believe it. It's great.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:That's right.
John McDaniel: let's try to get together in: Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Absolutely. I would love to. And maybe even if people call in or they write in, we can. We can have some more questions about this.
John McDaniel:You know what? That's what I asked the guys to do, is to put a. We're going to do that for this episode.
I guarantee you we'll have a special email set up so anybody can write in and ask a question, and then maybe that's what we'll do the next time is we'll address some of those questions.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:That would be amazing.
John McDaniel:What a great idea. Right? Let's do that. Let's do that.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Let's do that.
John McDaniel:Well, Dr. Stacy Scheckner, thank you again for your time today. And happy counseling dot com. That's excellent.
Well, I hope you have a great New Year's and Christmas and. And happy Hanukkah too. Right?
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:Yeah. Thank you so much. And Hanukkah is on December 25 this year, so.
John McDaniel:Okay, well, we're all together on that.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:We're all coming together, right? We're all gonna be supportive of each other and compassionate and make it a great new year.
John McDaniel:Excellent. Thanks again.
Dr. Stacey Scheckner:You're welcome. Thank you for having me.
John McDaniel:Okay, bye.
Narrator:Thank you for listening to the WWIA podcast.
To learn more about the Wounded warriors in Action foundation and how you can get involved, please visit our website@wwiaf.org or follow us on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. If you'd like to comment or offer feedback about our podcast, or if you have a suggestion for a future episode, please email us at podcast wiaf. Org.
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